Cyber
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Shut Down Windows 98 Fast

When you shut down Windows 98, you have to go through several steps. We've discovered a way to shut down Windows 98 in one simple double-click. To implement this technique, launch the Create Shortcut Wizard by right-clicking on the desktop and selecting the New/Shortcut command from the shortcut menu. Once the Create Shortcut Wizard loads, type:

c:\windows\rundll.exe user.exe,exitwindows

in the Command Line text box. (Make sure that there isn't a space between the comma and the exitwindows parameter, or the command won't work.) To continue, click Next. When the next page appears, type Shut Down Windows 98 NOW! in the Select a Name for the Shortcut text box, and click Finish. Now when you're ready to shut down Windows 98, close all your applications as you normally would and then just double-click the new Shut Down Windows 98 NOW! icon.

Trivia Bytes - The Movie and TV Sound Clip Game

http://www.triviabytes.com/

The Computer Museum History Center

The site is dedicated exclusively to the history of computing. Probably the most valuable aspect of the site is the timeline. It gives you a snapshot of fifty years of computing. Can you believe it has been that long? There are also some great online exhibits for you to explore. Right now, they have an interesting exhibit concerning the history of the Internet starting in 1962 when there were only around 10,000 computers in the world each costing several hundred thousand dollars and the rest is history. Just think, that $5.00 calculator your see at the grocery store checkout has more memory that the computers did in 1962. Pretty amazing. Check out this information-rich site at:

http://www.computerhistory.org/

Gallery of Obscure Patents

• Pyramidal Machine -- an energy conversion machine having a pyramid shape. Wind and water energy is utilized by the conversion machine for water desalination, heating, cooling or as an underwater life support system.

• Gravity Powered Shoe Air Conditioner -- a compressor-expander type cooling, or heating system, is incorporated into a heel of a shoe.

• Flushable Vehicle Spittoon -- need I say more . . .

Check this site often to see what obscure inventions they are showcasing. Point your browser to:

http://www.patents.ibm.com/gallery/

Online Auction 101

http://www.auctionwatch.com/

NetHumor and Life's Ponderances

It's Time To Chuckle

• If quitters never win, & winners never quit, what fool came up with - "Quit while you're ahead"?

• What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

• I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

• I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?

• Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do... write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

• If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

• STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

• You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

• Clones are people two.

• No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

• As I said before, I never repeat myself!

• If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

• Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

• It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

• If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

• If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.

• When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

• Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you for the rest of the day.

Ad in NY Times

FOR SALE BY OWNER

Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

The Offering

One Sunday a Pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the Pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in the offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The Pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the Pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

SOME FUN FACTS THAT EVERYONE OUGHT TO KNOW........

• The sentence "The quick red fox jumps over the lazy brown dog" uses every letter in the alphabet and was developed by Western Union to test its teletype communications.

• In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

• Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

• A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

• In the 1940s, the FCC assigned television's Channel 1 to mobile services (two-way radios in taxicabs, for instance) but did not re-number the other channel assignments. That is why your TV set has no channel 1.

• The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

• Hang On Sloopy is the official rock song of Ohio.

• The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the old days when fire engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

• The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the American Pie. (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)

• When opossums are "playing possum," they are not playing. They actually pass out from sheer terror.

• Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David; Clubs - Alexander the Great; Hearts -Charlemagne; and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

• 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

• If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

• Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression to get fired.

• Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th: John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

• The term the whole 9 yards came from WWII fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."

• Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.

• The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

• An ostrich's eye is bigger that its brain.

• The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.

• The Eisenhower interstate highway system requires that one mile in every five must be straight, so that these sections can be used as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

• The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the General Purpose vehicle, G.P.

• The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.

• Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

• If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

• No NFL team that plays its home games in a domed stadium ever won a Superbowl.

• The first toilet ever seen on television was on Leave It To Beaver.

• The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.

• Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

• The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan.

• In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.

• It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.

• Thirty-five percent of people using personal ads for dating are already married.

• There are an average of 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald's Big Mac bun.

• The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1.

• Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars.

• The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser in that order.

• When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year.

Texas churches

1. The doors are never locked.

2. The call to worship is "Y'all come on in!"

3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.

4. The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up.

5. The restrooms are outside.

6. Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.

7. A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "I ain't ever been in a hole it couldn't get me out of."

8. In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "two calves."

9. Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.

10. When it rains, everybody's smiling.

11. Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.

12. A singing group is known as the "OK Chorale."

13. The church directory doesn't have last names.

14. The pastor wears boots.

15. Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday.

16. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can't leave them a bag of squash.

17. There is no such thing as a "secret sin."

18. Baptism is referred to as "branding."

19. There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.

20. Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.

21. You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 o'clock that afternoon you have had a dozen calls inquiring about your health.

22. High notes on the organ sets dogs in the parking lot to howling.

23. People wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.

24. People think "Rapture" is what happens when you lift something too heavy.

25. The cemetery is in such barren ground that people are buried with a sack of fertilizer to help them rise on Judgment Day.

26. It's not heaven, but you can see heaven from there.

27. The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, ya hear."

Attempted Murder

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (The actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, was visiting her inlaws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And, yes, Linda is a blonde.

That's all for this issue, we hope we've brough a few smiles to you. Keep 'em coming and we'll share some more next time!