Cyber
Columnists

NewsWatch

http://www.newswatch.org

Net-Facts

• The Internet population is now estimated at 110 million users, with 41% of Americans having access from the home or office.
  
• There are 4 million sites on the Net with 235,000 new ones added each month.
  
• In a normal day, 1.2 billion pages are viewed on the Net.
  

North Carolina Moonshine

http://metalab.unc.edu/moonshine/

Net-Facts

• By the year 2000, more than 7 trillion emails will be sent annually in the United States.
  
• It's estimated that 50% of the U.S. population (135 million) will communicate via email by the year 2001.
  
• Average email user receives 31 emails a day which projects to 618 billion emails per year based on 81 million U.S. users.
  
• By contrast, The U.S. Postal Service delivered 186 billion pieces of mail in 1998.

American Quilts

http://www.pbs.org/americaquilts/

Net-Facts

• Amount spend on advertising on the Net in 1998, 1.9 billion dollars.
  
• Estimated amount spent on outdoor advertising in 1998, 1.6 billion dollars.
  
• Number of U.S. households joining the Net, per hour, 760.
  

Jargon Scout

http://tbtf.com/jargon-scout.html

Your Nation

http://www.your-nation.com/

Intellifact

http://www.intellifact.com/tutorial.htm

Virtual Reference Desk

http://www.refdesk.com/instant.html

NetHumor and Life's Ponderances

• Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
  
• Life is sexually transmitted.
  
• Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
  
• Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
  
• It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
  
• The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  
• It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
  
• The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
  
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
  
• Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).
  
• Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
  
• Wen you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
  
• If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.
  
• The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it is open.
  
• Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
  
• There are two kinds of pedestrians ... the quick and the dead.
  
• An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  
• A closed mouth gathers no feet.
  
• Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  
• It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.
  
• Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
  
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people." This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows:	Power	= Work / Time
Since:	Knowledge	= Power,
then:	Knowledge	=Work / Time,
and:	Time	=Money,
then:	Knowledge	=Work / Money.

Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion:

The less you know, the more you make.

1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2. Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

3. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

4. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

5. Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.

6. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

7. Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

8. One of the life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

9. My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

10. Every time I think about exercise, I lie down until the thought goes away.

11. God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.

12. It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

13. If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

14. Stress reducer: Put a bag on your head. Mark it "Closed for remodeling." **caution - leave air holes.

15. I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

16. There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.

17. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

18. Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.

19. The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

20. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

21. The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

22. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

23. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

24. Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

25. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

26. Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

27. If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.

28. You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.

29. I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.

30. I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

31. WOMEN: Remember, as we get older we no longer have hot flashes. We now have power surges.

1. Some people are very bossy and like to tell everyone what to do, but of course they do not wish to soil their hands. You might call that type "Dick Tator."
   
2. Some people never seem to be motivated to participate. They are content to watch while others do. They are "Speck Tators."
   
3. Some people never do anything to help, but they are gifted at finding fault with the way others do things. They might be called "Comment Taters."
   
4. Some people are always looking for ways to cause problems. They look or others to agree with them. You call them "Aggie Taters."
   
5. Then there are those who always say they will, but somehow never get around to doing anything. They are "Hezzie Taters."
   
6. Some people put on a front and act like they are someone they are not. They are "Emma Taters."
   
7. Still, there are those who live what they talk. They are always prepared to stop what they are doing to lend a hand. They bring real sunshine into others' lives. You might call them "Sweet Taters."