Cyber
Columnists

'Melissa' Macro Virus

The virus writers are at it again. I'm really jealous of their programming skills. If they would only focus their skills for good. This time the Internet has been flooded with the Melissa Word Macro Virus, more correctly known as W97M.Mailissa. Many times in the past, when a virus is announced it is a lot of people crying wolf. With this virus, it is the real thing. This is a certified full-blown virus infection. There were over 60,000 infections at the company that first reported the virus. But the author isn't as crafty as he thinks he is. It looks like the FBI has already arrested the person responsible for the authoring and spreading of the Melissa Virus. Technology has enabled "digital fingerprints" and "digital paper-trails" that are hard to cover up. Its getting kind of hard to be a criminal and get away with the perfect crime.

Computer Emergency Response Team (CERT) has taken the virus very seriously. In it's 10 year history, CERT has only made 2 public announcements concerning virus infections. The first announcement came in 1994 warning of a virus that collected passwords. The second announcement came last week with the announcement of the Melissa Macro Virus.

I'm sure by now everyone has heard what to watch out for, but I'll go over it again. If you see a message in your "Inbox" with the subject starting off with:

and a Word document attached (of any name but probably LIST.DOC), you need to delete the message immediately! DO NOT OPEN the Word document. When you open the attachment, the infection takes place. Your system can't get infected by just reading the email. You must open the Word document to set the infection in motion. If everyone would follow those simple little steps, Melissa would be stopped dead in it's tracks.

Probably the most definitive source I've gotten this past week on the Melissa infection is Woody's Office Watch. It is a wonderful newsletter that I get each week. I highly recommend it. Woody has two editions, one for Microsoft Office concerns and one for Microsoft Windows concerns. At the time I'm writing this, the special Melissa Issue can be found at:

http://www.wopr.com/wow/wowv4n14.html

If it's not there, check out his main site and then look for the archives. The link to the main site is listed above. One last word, just use your good common sense and you can avoid getting infected with viruses on the Net. Before you open a file attached to an email, know who it's coming from.

WebCam 2.2 Personal Edition

A couple of weeks ago we had a baby shower for one of my nieces. You ask what is unusual about that? Nothing except that Amy, my niece, attended the shower via a WebCam. We were all sorry she wasn't able to be with us and she was very blue about it, but I worked out a solution for her to be with us. If you remember from our last column, I talked about the CyberColumnists banquet and how 3 of the award winners attended the banquet via a WebCam we had hooked up through a laptop. I thought, why not do this for the shower as well. I searched the web for the proper software and came up with a wonderful little program.

The program is put out by TrueTech and they have two very functional versions of their WebCam program. One is a "freeware" version and the other is the commercial version that contains many more features used for a commercial web broadcast or video on demand.

First off you have to have one of those little webcams. There are several on the market and the color ones run around $75.00. Not too long ago, the black and white ones cost over $100. After you get the webcam software installed on your computer, download the "Personal WebCam" software and you'll be up and running in a matter of minutes. Once you get logged onto the net and initialize the software, you'll get your very own unique site that you can have friends or family visit. You can even hook up audio. As of right now, this program doesn't have a chat feature, but they are working on it.

With my niece, I got her to install ICQ. When the shower started, I logged onto the Net, fired up the camera and initialized a chat session with her using ICQ. I then gave her the web address of the camera and we were on our way! Too bad she didn't have a camera as well. Then we could have had a two-way session going. Way cool! It's amazing how far technology has come in just a few short years. If you've got a camera and want to check this great program out, point your browser to:

http://www.truetech.com/

NetHumor and Life's Ponderances

I want to be six again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think it's the best place in the world to eat.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make waves with rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than money 'cause you can eat them.

I want to play kickball during recess and stay up on Christmas Eve waiting to hear Santa and Rudolph on the roof.

I long for the days when life was simple. When all you knew were your colors, the addition tables, and simple nursery rhymes, but it didn't bother you because you didn't know what you didn't know, and...you didn't care.

I want to go to school and have snack time, recess, gym, and field trips.

I want to be happy because I don't know what should make me upset.

I want to think the world is fair, and everyone in it is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is... possible.

Sometime, while I was maturing, I learned too much. I learned of nuclear weapons, starving and abused kids, and unhappy marriages.

I want to be six again.

I want to think that everyone, including myself, will live forever because I don't know the concept of death.

I want to be oblivious to the complexity of life, and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want television to be something I watch for fun, not something I use for escape from the things I should be doing.

I want to live knowing the little things I find exciting will always make me as happy as when I first learned them.

I want to be six again.

I remember not seeing the world as a whole, but rather being aware of only the things that directly concerned me.

I want to be naive enough to think that if I'm happy, so is everyone else.

I want to walk down the beach and think only of the sand beneath my feet, and the possibility of finding that blue piece of sea glass I'm looking for.

I want to spend my afternoons climbing trees and riding my bike, letting the grownups worry about time, the dentist, and how to find the money to fix the car.

I want to wonder what I'll do when I grow up, not worry what I'll do if this doesn't work out.

I want that time back...

I want to use it now as an escape, so that when my computer crashes, or I have a mountain of paperwork, or two depressed friends, or second thoughts about so many things, I can travel back and build a snowman without thinking about anything except whether the snow sticks together and what I can possibly use for the snowman's mouth.

I want to be six again.

• Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.

• Allow the experience of fresh air and wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

• When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

• When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

• Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

• Take naps and stretch before rising.

• Run, romp and play daily.

• Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

• Be loyal.

• Never pretend to be something you're not.

• If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

• When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

• Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

• Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

• On hot days , drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

• When you're happy, dance around and wag your whole body.

• No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout...run right back and make friends.

• Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. - (Mark Twain)

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane. - (Laurence J. Peter)

A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. - (Charles R. Darwin)

A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief." - (Franz Kafka)

A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.