Star-Telegram
Columnists
Dedicated to helping you untangle the World Wide Web
Volume 2 - Number 1
February 1, 1999
I mentioned in our November column that I was putting "Your Web Connection" on hiatus temporarily. Thanks to all of you that wrote and encouraged us, we are resuming the column on a monthly basis. We will continue the current format of reviewing a couple of useful sites followed by our regular dose of Net Humor. Also from time to time we'll providing tutorials on interesting aspects of the Internet as well as reviewing software and tools that are useful. We hope you enjoy the column. Please let us know what you like and don't like. We love getting email. We get a lot of wonderful suggestions about the column from our readers. So please keep those "cards and letters" coming! At this point in time, we plan on updating the first Monday of each month.
For those of you that didn't attend the StarSIG meeting January 30, you missed a really good one. First of all we welcomed the new Sig Co-Leaders, George Minor and Jeanne Veach. While Jim Boughton and I had a great time as co-leaders, it was time to pass the baton. There were over 70 in attendance and lots of those were newcomers. The speakers presented a wonderful program on all aspects of digital cameras, what they are and how they do what they do. The next meeting will be held on February 27. Check the link above for additional information. The StarSIG is a wonderful group to get involved with in this confusing world of computers and the Internet.
Let's get a little news out of the way. All of our "babies" (the cats and the 'mutt') are doing fine. The middle of December Terry accepted a new and very exciting job with Medical Matrix, Inc.. I'm still with Bennett's Printing and Office Supply. (The site is active, but I haven't had time to finish the Bennett page yet. Hopefully, I'll have time starting next month.) Which leads me to my next bit of news, I've gotten a promotion. I've been moved to the corporate office in Cleburne where I'll be heading up the marketing efforts of the company and their five locations. I'll be coordinating all of the advertising efforts and promotions as well as their web sites.
For this issue of "Your Web Connection" we've got a couple of wonderful local sites for you to visit. The first is
dfw.com followed by "Ft. Worth 150". We'll end with a dose of what we call, "Net Humor." It's our regular collection of jokes, funny readings and life's ponderances. Don't worry, only a few of the jokes are computer related, we only call it "Net Humor" because we normally get the jokes via email. Terry and I hope you enjoy our efforts for this issue.
dfw.com is the local source for all your metroplex information. Do you want to see if the perfect job is listed or buy that car that you've always wanted? How about scanning the latest headlines? Are you a media hound? Do you know a place where you can find links to all of the local media outlets? How about searching through 5,000 plus local links? You can find it all at
dfw.com! This is a great start page each and every time you log on. You can even personalize the page with mydfw.com. You can include your own listing of local news headlines, as well as your very own Internet bookmarks. Using "mydfw.com" can also give you access to a reminder service, calculator and a calendar.
The site is well organized and searchable by keyword, category or community in the following categories:
An additional feature is the really cool offer of a FREE email address. There are 100's of sites on the Net that offer free email but none as unique as having "yourname@dfw.com." It just has a nice ring to it. You can access your email from any computer that has Internet access. There is no software to download ever.
This is a site that you need to visit time and time again if you live in the metroplex. For those of you that don't live here, it is an invaluable source of information if you are planning a trip to the Dallas/Fort Worth area. You can find dfw.com at:
Welcome to the first edition of "Your Web Connection" for the new year. Terry and I are glad you stopped by. We hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and a safe and happy new year. Terry and I had the best holiday season this year. For us, everything went fast and furious, we barely had time to catch our breath, but what a time we had! It's nice to get back to normal once again even though the house looks sort of bare without all of the Christmas decorations.
http://www.dfw.com/
As a native of Fort Worth, I've always been proud of my city and it's heritage. On June 6, 1849 when a U.S. Army company established a fort on the banks of the Trinity, history would be forever changed. My thoughts always go back to the day that those troops chose that particular spot. I feel that they made the right decision. I'm kind of proud of the city that I live in.
If you noticed the year above, you may realize that 1999 is Fort Worth's 150th anniversary. The folks at the Fort Worth Star Telegram have put together a wonderful site that celebrates Fort Worth's Sesquicentennial. Events will be taking place all year long, so you'll need to visit the site often to stay abreast of all the activities.
The site is packed full of interesting history, trivia, and facts and figures about Fort Worth. You can take a photographic tour of Fort Worth and view all sorts of historical photographs. There is an area where you can record your memories of Fort Worth for all to read. To join the celebration, point your browser to:
http://www.fortworth150.com/
NetHumor and Life's Ponderances
It's time to smile a bit with our regular dose of humor that my friends pack my email box with. We've got some good ones to share with you today. Enjoy.
What's your priorities?
Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life - until the boat sank.
He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies... Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"O, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material I found on the island; the oars were whittled from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But-but, that's impossible," stutters Ed. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
Ed is stunned. "Let's row over to my place," she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?"
"No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.
After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism.
"WOW! This woman is amazing," he muses, "What next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines - strategically positioned - and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for a really long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know..." She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing: "You mean---", he swallows excitedly, "I can check my e-mail from here....?
It's All A Matter of Perspective
Some things to think about ...
- Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.
- Today I can feel sad that I don't have more money or I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.
- Today I can grumble about my health or I can rejoice that I am alive.
- Today I can lament over all that my parents didn't give me when I was growing up or I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.
- Today I can cry because roses have thorns or I can celebrate that thorns have roses.
- Today I can mourn my lack of friends or I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.
- Today I can whine because I have to go to work or I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.
- I can complain because I have to go to school or eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.
- Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or I can feel honored because the Lord has provided shelter for my mind, body and soul.
- Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping. What today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have.
(Author unknown)
Quotable Quotes
- Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
- A day without sunshine is like, night.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
- You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
- I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
- Honk if you love peace and quiet.
- Remember half the people you know are below average.
- Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
- Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
- I intend to live forever - so far so good.
- Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
- Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
- The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
- Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
- When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
- The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
- The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
- To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
- Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
- You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
- Two wrongs are only the beginning.
- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
- The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
- Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
- Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
- Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
- How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
- Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
- If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
That's all for this issue. Thanks for stopping by. We'll be back next month. If you'd like to be added to our email notification list that will let you know when our column is updated, just let us know. We'll be glad to add your name to our list. If there is a topic or site you'd like to see covered in the future, let us know and we'll take a look at it. See you next month!
Created by Chuck and Terry Mencke
Send mail to Chuck & Terry"Your Web Connection" was last modified: December 24, 2000
URL: http://www.web-connection.org/archive/webback/1999/conn0201.htm